In a world where black women are often painted as strong and unbreakable, we sometimes forget that we are human. We deserve love and intimacy just like everyone else. On Valentine’s Day, it is important for us to be vulnerable and express our need for love. This is not only a personal need but also a societal one. Love is an important part of our lives, and dating and relationships help us to develop into better people.
As I scroll the streets of TikTok, I have to say that I really love the balance I’ve been witnessing in conversations about love and relationships. I think collectively all of the women have decided that yeah, we are definitely better off alone and can get a lot more done when we are single, even if we are mingling every now and again. For a long time when friends would come to me expressing their hardships in the dating world, my first reaction would be to check them on what they could be doing to better themselves. sometimes I would just straight out tell them that they should focus on themselves and I was wrong for doing that.
If I’m being honest, when it comes to matters of the heart I can definitely say that I’ve got some personal walls up that make it hard for me to be vulnerable but I also understand that it’s so human to do so. A part of my own personal development is to acknowledge when people are being vulnerable with me and behave accordingly.
It is not a crime to want to be wanted.
It is not a crime to want love and affection.
It is not a crime to want love, love should come naturally to us as humans.
As women, love should not have to be something that we ask for, and yet so many of us are going unloved.
Of course, we have friends and family members who love us dearly but that just isn’t enough. As a Black woman, I’m really grateful to hear the stories of other Black women expressing how hard it is to navigate the dating scene and their desires to be partnered. Not because I want to see other women suffering, but because it shows that I’m not alone and desiring what is natural to me. These are often women who from the outside seem to have it all, but on the inside, they are hurting and are lonely and are super brave for expressing that publicly. In this time of dating coaches and know it all’s, it’s challenging to be outwardly vulnerable especially when there’s so much trash out there waiting to rub it all in your face.
I’ve been learning even more from the white women who have made it really clear to me that if a woman, in general, wants to be partnered she needs to put the pedal to the metal and make it a part-time job complete with spreadsheets and a game plan. This love is work! But love should not be so hard to find.
I’ve had friends tell me that they need love in their lives, and it upsets me when I hear them say things that make it clear to me that they are settling. It’s crazy what we do sometimes to just survive this world. Those are the same women who have come from families where love wasn’t expressed properly and now here we are thinking that our desire for love isn’t valid because it’s too focused on ourselves. Listen sis, if you don’t stand up for yourself nobody else will either. You deserve loving attention as much as everyone else does and you shouldn’t have to settle for anything less than what you deserve. You deserve it all.
Since the start of the panorama, I think we all kind of knew that it would change the way that we go about dating but I don’t think anybody was prepared for just how difficult things have become. If you desire to be partnered, be intentional and do that and if you’re like me who feels like I have some self-work to do first, then do that. But don’t allow yourself to be gaslit by anyone for any reason. I’ve got a little fire in my belly as I write this because I just finished watching the Tinder Swindler on Netflix and baby I’m fired up.
Be careful out there in these Internet dating streets. But do what you’ve gotta do.
Black women, you are worthy of love.
All women, happy Valentine’s Day.
When In Doubt, Pink 